The photo albums.
Shortly after our wedding Joe and I ordered prints of 274 digital pics that I took. Everything from trips, family events, to the most important pics..the kids. So far I’ve got 4 photo albums to do, Alexs, Andys, The Wedding, and Miscellaneous. I finished one of them last night and it should be any big surprise it was the easiest for me to do, Alex’s. Today/tonight I am starting work on Andy’s, and it is by far the hardest for me to do. For both not so personal and personal reasons. First off, Joe has Andy’s photo album organized really strange..first you see “Andy’s pages” then “Andy’s mommy page” then “Andy’s aunts page” and so on. This drives me crazy because when I go through a photo album I like to see a timeline of events..in this case Andy growing up. It also drives me crazy because over half the stuff in there has nothing to do with Andy. There are pictures of a trip Joe took on a boat, and as far as I know Andy wasn’t even on the trip. So, I get to rip out all these random pics in Andy’s album and put them away for when I’m ready to put together the mscellaneous photo album. Then I get to reorganize all of Andys pics into a timeline and put them back in the photo album. Then we get into the personal reasons of why this is really hard for me to do. See, there is a picture in Andys photo album that I wish wasn’t in there. First, you have to understand the reason why this hurts so much is Joe and I were together when he first put the photo album together and I was right there when he put this picture in and he saw the hurt on my face, but he didn’t care. The pic is of Joe and Andy’s mother together in prom attire. It drives me crazy knowing that picture has been in my house for an entire year. It drives me even more crazy when I think that Joe and I never had a picture of us as a couple (not in our house or elsewhere) for the last year either. We just recently got them when pictures were taken of us at our wedding. He says the pic is for Andy so he knows that his mommy and daddy were together at one time..but I just don’t see why he needs that when Andy has pics of his mommy and him and his daddy and him in the photo album. Andy also has a pick of his mommy, daddy, and him in the album too. So, it really boils down to why does Joe need this pic of him and Andy’s mom? I still don’t have an answer to that. Other than after talking to Joe about it last night he says that I can take it out..but its clear by the tone in his voice he doesn’t really want me to take it out. I hate knowing that when I take the picture out so he could give it to his mom for her memories that he will be upset with me. I guess I could always go grab all the pics of my homecoming and prom dates and me that my mom has and put them in our house, just so he would have a taste of how I feel, but that would be childish. Ugh. I hate it. I hate being between a rock and a hard place. I hate knowing that this pic makes me unhappy, and knowing for some reason it makes him happy. I hate to think of why it could possibly make him happy. When that happens I just get paranoid and jealous. I’m his wife..I shouldn’t have to be jealous. I’m really dreading doing this photo album when I know there is just no compromise that would make both of us happy.
More posts like this:
- The photo album. – August 11, 2004
- Potty training and glasses. – September 16, 2004
- Our trip to the zoo. – May 21, 2006
- The pictures. – September 3, 2004
- Photo Album – May 13, 2006
Robin
September 15th, 2004 @ 8:59 am
Memories are just that memories. Stuff that happened in the past. Even if you take the picture out he will still remember that picture and that prom. I have that picture in my album too. Its just a picture from the past. I understand completely how you feel about this. Kris has a picture in a frame (hidden away in a box) of him and Judy. I hate it. I asked him when i was packing and ran across it, if i could finally throw it away. Of course he said no. Its is part of his past and he would like to remember that. You can’t change anything that happened in the past. You can only choose to excecpt it or not. Its better to focus on the future. Look she never made it as far as you have with Joe. Be married and happy like you’ve always dreamed. Live your life now and don’t worry about what happened in the past and why he still has the picture. It really might be in there for Andrew to know that at one time his mommy and daddy were together. Andrew will see that when you and joe have a child that that child’s mommy and daddy are together, just as he see’s with his sisters. When he is older he may wonder why he is different. If there are picture to prove this for him it may help. I would be concerned if Joe looked at the pictures of Chrissy everyday. But he doesn’t. Joe is happy with you. Joe wants to have memories with you to put in the albums. Chrissy is a part of Joe’s life because of Andrew. Its just something that as joe’s wife and Andrew’s stepmom have to deal with. I’m sure Joe doesn’t really like the fact that he has to deal with Teddy. But he does deal with it because he is Alex’s father. DOn’t get so upset about her she is the past and you are the wife.
Melissa
September 15th, 2004 @ 9:33 am
Amy,
I know that sucks and what would suck to me is that it bothered me. Not even so much that he had the picture. Let me just say this. My Dad had a prom picture in his photo album for many years that was not with my Mom. He was never married to the girl but I remember as a child looking at it and wondering what kind of person my Dad was, that he was a kid like me, and it didn’t bother my Mom. I always thought that was so healthy (I didn’t know that term at the time) but it let me see that my Mom was so secure in her love with my Dad and that not old prom pictures, ex-girlfriends, or anything else could separate them. So as much as it hurts your feelings, as it would hurt mine, just know that Andrew will see it differently. He will feel loved and he will know you love him enough to respect his mom, even though he cannot articulate that right now.
Don’t you HATE that jealous feeling????
Barb
September 15th, 2004 @ 11:46 am
I agree with Melissa it is in the past and you are married to Joe now and you are planning on adding to the family which will be siblings to Andrew. That is Andrews Mom and they were together in the past but you and Joe are together now and just respect her for being Andrew’s Mom who is remarried and has her on life now!
writersblock
September 15th, 2004 @ 11:08 pm
I understand that feelings can be provoked by pictures. In fact, my husband used to keep letters, pictures, and old ticket stubs in a shoebox. Some of these items including pictures were connected to memories of old girlfriends. He went through the box and emptied it. I didn’t ask him to do it, but he wanted to. However, he kept a couple of pictures in his album that dealt with his life events including his prom picture.
Your situation is unique for several reasons. First of all, you are a step-mom. Second of all you are a step-mom of a son who is different from most other step-sons, a son that requires more tender care than say other children. For a child like your step-son that picture is probably vital to him understanding the meaning of his life where his mother and father belong and how you fit into the picture. Taking that picture away from Andrew will be taking away part of his life, a life that no matter how much it hurt began before you became part of that life. Now you are part of that life and you need to include pictures of your wedding to remind Andrew of your role in his life and your role in his father’s life, but that doesn’t mean that you need to take away from him a picture that is a clue to his past.
I understand the hurt involved in looking at an old interest of your husband’s but whether you like it or not that interest is what brought Andrew into this world. You can take that away from him but you won’t be doing anybody a favor. Joe has made that choice be yours. What you decide to do with that freedom of choice is also yours.